"i'm gonna knock you and knock you up and knock you down"

Flosstradamus + Caroline Polachek - Big Bills to be amBIGuoUS.

* ..at least we won't be needing big bills .

things are always changing, things go missing and you stumble upon things you hadn't expected, either way i'll be fine. getting back into the swing of things. gotta keep in mind what i gotta keep in mind. progress, one thing at a time yet still the greater life picture.. gotta keep the confidence and positivity in mind and forge forward. tangible results is a concept i just picked up on. small steps is my goal.

show me love i believe your love i feel love

i'm at a buncha crossroads again.. finishing up the quarter, spending quality time this week with lovers, spring break and making sure to get enough fam time in and party it up every night and seeing my lovers, having to figure out where i'll be that second weekend.. and then starting off spring quarter right, getting a summer internship or anything. i need to get this ball rolling. i have to figure out if imma finish with fall quarter or extend it to a full year. ?? where i'll be after that..

i really think the most useless emotion is dread. i mean unless it somehow motivates you to do something positive about it. but by itself dread is the lamest waste of feeling. if you forget regret.. then forget dread too. dread is the past tense of regret / regret is the future tense of dread

funny when you think about it ppl are simple creatures complicated by their environment. ppl complicate ppl. something to think about. also another interesting idea is that when you step away from yourself and look at the whole.. it's interesting to see how much of the details are actually completely useless. not to take away from the details because certainly the details are what makes life spicy, but maybe more in a sense that some details are just complicating simple concepts. i have no idea if that makes sense but i'm tired of thinking about it. moving on..

i'm excited to see my parents. and grandparents. this has been a crazy weekend.

the rules of attraction continue to confuse me. a dude comes up to you on the dance floor and you're like "sweet! a dance partner" - you've been dancing for tenish seconds and it's cool. he leans in to say "you're cute" - and you're like "haha thanks" and you keep dancing for maybe double triple the time than before he said that. and you're woohoo dancing.. it's fun. and then he leaves. because really, "i just want to dance!" maybe that's more rule of unattraction. well, vs attraction. rejecting attraction. disappearance of attraction. so many different ways.. *

also holding onto something you want to let go of, and letting go of something you want to hold onto. which is which is which way is it?? oh shit oh no, cause it really is that confusing in your head. which way is up and down, right or wrong, now or later, me or you. safer or riskier, harmful or helpful. easy or struggle. goodnight 09.03.16.03.00

ask me once, ask me twice,
i answer back and you're off my track
i thought i was older, i guess you were bolder.
(refer to title)

/ contrasting the rest of the ambiguous content of the blog: so tonight i decided to stay upstairs cause there was a potentially awkward situation waiting for me downstairs. i was listening to the same two songs on repeat pretty loudly. if i had been the bigger person to go downstairs and face the situation, i would have noticed lauren studying and turned down my music. not too long ago she had been studying downstairs and heard my music for hours in the room. mah bad. or am i too mousey about that shit? lost in translation another concept we had been discussing lately, mousey is not the word i'm looking for.. it's "hahc haeiy" (what my literal spelling of it would be) or "hak hay" (what i imagine the american spelling of it would be) in cantonese towards the ppl around me. it's not anything like mousey actually. oh language.. anyways thought that was a funny chain of events.

too many crazy connecting chains of thought. the innovation is sparked. (i didn't know the fact that i was wearing kallusive would be such a huge topic of conversation in public) i'm trying to leave my mark but my inks kinda murky right now you feel me. hahaha / too so much typing.