infatuated

i love being home. it's freaking cold as hell in my house (and outside, but it's not really..) and i'm sitting in bed as i always do under my thick ass sheets cause i have no car and i'm waiting for natalie to come over. i'm sippin on some blue flower earl grey, my favorite drink in da world, and eating leftover potato salad straight from the container cause no one is home, but i know they will be soon and i'll get in trouble for it.

thanksgiving and christmas have become pretty routine for us. i am told to wake up for hours into the early afternoon, the most harshly by my sister - who always tells me to wake the fuck up and start cooking (i'm cinderella). finally i get up and start helping in the kitchen. we usually listen to npr or smooth jazz one oh three point seven. da da da, cold kitchen, cold air from open deck.. peeling potatoes, washing and cutting up veggies, staying away from meat items. menu's the same - a fat ass bbq'ed (is it?) free range turkey, some other meat (that they forgot to defrost this year), tofurkey dish with hella vegss, potato salad with hella mayo salt shrimp and celery bits soogood, mashed yams with melted marshmallows which no one really likes anymore, a fresh veg dish which is a delicious staple but getting played out, bread which no one touches, a shitty half-assed vegan dessert by me.. this year cupcaked sized pumpkin pies. i might be leaving shit out but anyways..

we cook, run to the grocery store, most of the time one or the other is closed.. we always get to whole foods too late. back to safeway. kitchen work.. run to my room for escape. my grandparents come over, we entertain a little, cook more, i change into a "holiday appropriate" outfit.. put makeup on.. cook, then it's dinner time. we eat. and chat a little. my dad got tipsy this year. it was ridiculous.

when we were small this is when erica and i would run off and do whatever. we'd crawl under the table and poke at the little hole under each of the dining table chairs at ppl's butts. now we just sit and talk, take funny pictures of our funny family and start the dishes. the task of dividing up leftover begins. that's why i take the dishes, no teamwork necessary. they always yell while distributing leftovers cause it's so much work and always gets complicated somehow. so we finish that up, prepare dessert, keep the tea flowin. grandparents are in the living room watching asian shows.. this year it's the taiwanese tv awards. erica and i take little breaks in our rooms.. she reads, i text to make plans for the night. dessert time, tv show finishes up, they go back out to the city.

there were changes in the routine however- my aunt has started not to come to our dinners, which i believe everyone is relieved over, herself probably included. she stopped by after dinner and didn't even stay long enough for dessert- short and mothafuckin sweeeeet. my mom didn't yell so much this time around, her and my dad only got into it once or twice, which is like a world record. i do believe that the joy of us maturing and the appreciation she has for us being home, that helps the cause. i mean it's among other things, but this is one thing i do realize that is changing with time.. and i am all for it. i dropped the plans and decided to just drive out with my dad to take my grandparents home.

i had a sweet ass convo with my grandma on the drive up to the city.. she was telling me about her last husband.. the one i grew up with as my grandpa. my dad's dad passed when my dad was four. my grandma loves to sneak my sister and me (actually i think moreso me) hundos when she sees us, and tells us not to tell. in the beginning it was really hilarious cause she was so sneaky about it and i didn't want to take the money.. but she'd end up forcing me and we'd always laugh about it as i said thanks.. but my dad told me, and now i realize, it's something that makes her happy, for her to be able to give us money to spend on something we like. she said when she was married she didn't have a lot of money/stuff to give us. her husband provided her with everything she needed- security, food, a home, medical care.. but he didn't trust ppl with money because of something that went down in the past. anyways when he passed on, she got the moneys and now she enjoys giving it to us. he was 18 years her senior when they married, and she also said something about how they were something chinese for "just complacent" with each other. which makes me wonder: does my grandma chase money and good looks? i must learn her ways.........

so we dropped her off and then i walked my grandpa in his house, said a sad goodbye. i always feel so bad saying bye to him. he's lived by himself for god knows how long. he doesn't like to go out, has no friends over here. gave up on raising his fish.. can't sleep at night, but i can't talk to him. it's hard, i have no idea what to say to him. but anyways yeah i drove back home with my dad and chilled with erica for a bit, then called it an early night. i need to better my cantonese, talking to my grandma was a struggle for me, but she helps me out. i wish i could get to my grandpa somehow. also i wanna shout out my bunny, bunny, who is getting old as hell, but only sexier with age. i look forward to winter break.. only two weeks son!