Z

i was going to go to sleep at 10 but decided to embrace a little more of this quiet calm night.. been super unrested the past few days from 5am nights and 10am mornings. got my room tidied up and have soft light from a room lamp changed the bedsheets and went through another batch of old papers..

hella memories, random stuff. i used to doodle in classes a lot, i would write little blurbs, draw weird pictures, i have always been boy crazy, doodle with friends.. it's funny that insignificant stuff like that can mean so much later on. found this project we had to do senior year, take the color quiz and do a career match and stuff like that. taking that for granted, but looking at it now, my order was orange, green, blue, gold. i'm pretty sure that's where i'm at today too. i always feel like i just lose myself so it's nice to get a little reaffirmation that i'm still me, and also that i don't know what i'm passionate about, but in the career match i chose environmental science, art / communication, human biology..

printed out emails between me and old friends, pictures of aric this guy i used to be friends with off livejournal. pretty crazy. chinese school summer homework packets, completely untouched.. pretty terrible student. bullshitting a lot of work, "need more detail" teacher's feedback - always. simple drawings and child doodles. unable to throw out worksheets and homeworks from books like the stranger and the likes. articles from class about a man who lived sustainably underground on free property but was getting kicked out by the boyscouts. recipes from middle school summer school cooking class. vulger ass notes passed during classes. projects i used to spend a lotta time on, many drawings, all colors. i think somewhere along the line i stopped doing and started thinking too much. hm..