it's the new year

shitstorm post go.

had the worst past two weeks have been the worst in recent memory..
in 2009 i fell in love for the first time
subsequently fell out of love for the first time
dealing with that now. positively. constructively. healthily. responsibly.

came to terms with how to deal with my mother at this point.
i am x-ing her out until i learn how to more constructively and positively and maturely have her in my life. i just dont have the means to deal with my mom right now. she has major rage issues and i am not in a good enough place in my own life to change anything. she just takes away from my sanity, which i am struggling to uphold as is so until then, i have nothing to gain from communicating from her and i'm going to put myself first.

however talking to friends about it:
+ someone who lost their mom recently and is being the strongest person i have ever witnessed
- someone who is in the most unhealthy relationship i have ever witnessed and needs to find closure
+ someone who keeps getting shat on by the (mutually) love of their life and needs to find own closure.

.. shit has to get better. it's nice to be back in santa ana. freedom clarity privacy, not feeling stifled.. freedom freedom it tastes so sweet. let it repeat and repeat and repeat

many steps to be taken as usual. remembering to be thankful for the little things. find happiness, appreciate ppl and things. appreciate my friends is a must, strengthening relationships is key, x-ing ideas of romance OUT OUT OUT, building myself. constructing my sick ass life. doing nice things for others in times of despair, despite being able to feel any kind of pleasure from it (because of bad disposition).. but instead for the hope that it can mean something for someone else.

simple pleasures.

my new years resolution is to love LA.
i feel all else shall follow.
POSIxxLIFE