right now

Something old, something new,

Something borrowed, something blue

And a silver sixpence in her shoe.

I remember in high school, we would use the phrase "we are everything we hate." There was this group of girls who ate lunch near us, and for some reason my friend had beef with them, and we would laugh about how everything she hated about them, she/we were as well. Funny that that experience is now four years behind us, yet we still do the same thing, day in and day out. At least by now, we've come to realize that there's nothing wrong with them.. but we were wasting our energy. We hate on other people because they show some kind of weakness or quality that we actually can't come to terms with ourselves.

Examples of this could be homophobes that are unable to come to terms with their own sexualities, racists whom are unable to accept and thus are threatened by other's differences, or the most prevelenct in my life, girls whom hate on any girl that may or may not pose any threat to them. it's based off fear. I feel it's especially prevelent in girls because in general girls are just so much more insecure than dudes are, whether it be from some kind of cultural condition or whatever else. I can definitely say for myself that I "suffer" from being unable to see my own worths as an individual and from being unable to really be myself in different arenas because of parasitic thoughts that I'm not good enough, I don't matter or that no one cares.

Being in the vicinity of different groups of girls, I witness how every group has their own beef with this and/or that person/group.. and how from the outside, how foolish they look for wasting their time talking about it. If only we could realize that we are just talking about ourselves and instead turn it into a critique of ourselves. I think most importantly, if we took the time to learn that much more about ourselves, we'd be allowing ourselves to love and respect ourselves so much more.

I guess what I'm getting at is that each person has the potential to love themselves. I for one am extremely lacking in that aspect and waste way too much time being negative with myself, giving myself no credit for shiz. How is anyone gonna love someone that doesn't know how to love themself? May work for a while but in the end it is just failure. I know I have the potential to appreciate myself and what I have to offer. You can be told or think that you have a lot to offer, but it doesn't compare to actually believing and embodying it. When you embody it, you have no reason to be threatened by others and thus do not waste your time hating on other people for things that are really just problems you have with yourself. I'm not really sure how one gets to that point but it must be different for each person, and that in the end they are going to do it on their own terms, in their own time. Keeping yourself in check is good, but you also need to be taking small steps in the right direction and reminding yourself to make that change.

So bringing it back to that quote, thoughts come full circle. This concept of self hatred came about for me in high school, yet I've never really analyzed it.. it's something old. Then new thoughts and real life examples of self hatred in myself and others around me.. something new. Catching up over lunch with an old friend, sharing thoughts with someone you respect, having someone remind you of your self worth, that maybe you didn't realize anyone else appreciated nor realize in yourself.. that is something borrowed. As for something blue.. clearly those experieces that hurt you and got you down but then in retrospect helped you progress and move forward. And finally, that token of knowledge and self appreciation that you may attain from this journey through introspection, that is the sixpence in yo shoe!!